Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hypochondriac on the DL

I hate being hurt. And I always fear the worst. Even after seeing the doc I don't feel much better and now I am wigged out about the drugs too. Will the anti-inflammatory slow the healing process? Plus it's risky if I take allergy meds with it or stand too long in the sun or let's face it, I can't drink beer. And beer sounds really good right now.

For some reason working out is so easy. I don't ask why, I just do. Now that I don't workout as much I have plenty of time to contemplate life. It's freaking me out. Who am I, why am I here? What if I can no longer ride a bike? What if I miss cross season? Do I need surgery? Will I have to sell a bike to pay for that?

So the crazy thing is, even after almost three weeks, to raise my arm forward (like typing this sentence) feels as if my ligament on the top of the shoulder is tightly pulling over the bones. Imagine dragging a bungee cord over small boulders. It's not painful as much as uncomfortable, but 50% of the time I am uncomfortable. I have no strength, and aside from the ligament I think I pulled all the muscles in my arm too.

So I can't tell if riding bothers it or not. There are times when my arm is in a fixed position and I forget that I am even injured. Then there are times my deltoid (and not the funky ligament) is angry that I am using it. Should I ride or not? Short rides okay? My doc gave me the green light but my arm sometimes begs to differ...

The devil on my shoulder wants to ride a long freakin ride tomorrow, the angel says stay on the couch.

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